Spot the pigeon

There's the Reds and there's the Greens

Super slicks and has beens,

They're accompanied by three men dressed in black,

One's a whistle, two are flags, and quite often they're the drags

Kick the ball into the goal, they put it back.



Yes Match of the Day's

The only way, to spend your Saturday



Each side's eleven men, with numbers on their backs

But at a distance they all tend to look the same

But some own their boutiques, well they clean up every week

Inciting riots, causing chaos, such a shame!



But Match of the Day's

The only way

We spend our Saturday



And that's not all, our mates the keepers

Slippin' and sliding in the mud

Arms as long as creepers



Send him off Ref' ***!!++??

Where are your specs Ref' +++***!!!

Kick you to death Ref' !!XX**??

Oi! Are you deaf Ref' X*+X*!!?



There's a few things before we go

That I think you ought to know

Obstruction, Body Checking, heavy tackles

So put on your hat and scarf

Have a drink, have a larf'

From the terrace you can see your men do battle



Yes Match of the Day's

The only way

You can spend your Saturday



Don't forget, the trainers with their sponges

Managers with open cheques, liquid business lunches



Send 'im off Ref' ***!!++??

Where are your specs Ref' !***&&&!!!

Kick you to death Ref' !!XX**??

Oi! Are you deaf Ref' X&+X&+!!?



...Phfff! Good game 'ey, Ron?...

...D'you see that goal in the Second Half? oh!...

...Bit of a dirty tackle that, mate!...

...I reckon I should've had a bet on it myself!...

...We paid 400, 000 pound for him, you realise that?...

...Oh - look out, here comes a bottle 

...

...Yes, fancy a pint then? My round...

Who put fifty tons of shit on the Foreign Office roof?

Who suffers from nine known diseases?

Who gets up in the morning when the sun comes up

And makes their beds, paper clips, bus tickets

All around their heads?

Who congregate around Trafalgar Square

Taking pot shots at the tourists?

Oh you've got to watch out

When you wander round the square in the morning

Cos they're everywhere, they're everywhere



Here we have an honest man

A civil servant to boot

He lived high up in the Ministry

And when he wished to make a point

He knew just what to do

His window ledges were all covered in grease

"I want them out of here"



He said to me, "I want them gone"

Because you see - Oh don't you see

None of us are getting any younger

You've got to follow your nose

And if it tells you that you've got to go

Well that's because, they're everywhere,

They're everywhere



So we called in those men, those horrible men

We set them to work on the rooftops

You see their van is very plain

And I know they're too ashamed

To wear their by appointment badges anymore

Sometimes they use vaseline, sometimes they use the pill

I've often seen them with a gun

But as the years go by, old habits seem to die

And nowadays they knockatize them all

Oh you've got to watch out

As you wander round the square in the morning

Oh they're everywhere, they're everywhere

INSIDE



Brother    Seems they're letting him out next year

           He's behaving himself, I hear

           Governor Conway says it will be fine

           Just as long as he can tow the line



           It's the same old story

           But it says here "Mum you're not to worry"

           'Cos some you lose and some you lose



           At this party, he was on his own

           All he did was say he'd take her home

           But it seems they didn't go straight there

           'cos on the porch, she told him,

           "put your hand here"



           Yes it's that same old story

           They told her mum she's not to worry



Police     "If what she says is so,

                 we'll never let him go!"



Him        "Never a word could be heard

           Not even the sound of a bird

           Singing it over again, telling a different story

           Never the same as before

           See the summer going out by the door"

Brother    And now that you've paid for those lies

           Get another disguise



           "It's twenty years now since our Kid came free

           Oh I remember August '53

           But it wasn't quite like they said

           With that behind you, you can't plan ahead

             Yes it's the same old story

           They say you're free, but don't worry

           What they said's not so

           They'll never let you go!"



Him        "Never a word could be heard

           Not even the sound of a bird

           Singing it over again, telling a different story

           Never the same as before

           See the summer going out by the door"

Brother    And now that you've paid for those lies

           Get another disguise



                                    OUT