Up

i’m scared of swimming in the sea

dark shapes moving under me

every fear i swallow makes me small

inconsequential things occur

alarms are triggered

memories stir

it’s not the way it has to be



i’m afraid of what i do not know

i hate being undermined

i’m afraid i can be devil man

and i’m scared to be divine

don’t mess with me my fuse is short

beneath this skin these fragments caught



when i allow it to be

there’s no control over me

i have my fears

but they do not have me



walking through the undergrowth, to the house in the woods

the deeper i go, the darker it gets

i peer through the window

knock at the door

and the monster i was

so afraid of

lies curled up on the floor

is curled up on the floor just like a baby boy



i cry until i laugh



i’m afraid of being mothered

with my balls shut in the pen

i’m afraid of loving women

and i’m scared of loving men

flashbacks coming in every night

don’t tell me everything’s alright



when i allow it to be

it has no control over me

i own my fear

so it doesn’t own me



walking through the undergrowth, to the house in the woods

the deeper i go, the darker it gets

i peer through the window

knock at the door

and the monster i was

so afraid of

lies curled up on the floor

is curled up on the floor just like a baby boy



i cry until i laugh

folded in your fleshy purse

i am floating once again

while the muted sounds are pumping rhythm

all the walls close in on me

pressure’s building wave on wave

till the water breaks - and outside i go, oh



one dot, that's on or off, defines what is and what is not, one dot

two dot, a pair of eyes, a voice, a touch, complete surprise, two dot

growing up, growing up,

looking for a place to live

growing up, growing up,

gooking for a place to live

growing up, growing up,

looking for a place to live



my ghost likes to travel so far in the unknown

my ghost likes to travel so deep into your space



three dot, a trinity, a way to map the universe,

three dot

four dot, is what will make a square, a bed to build on, it’s all there,

four dot



my ghost likes to travel so far in the unknown

my ghost likes to travel so deep into your space





all the slow clouds pass us by

make the Empire State look high

as you take me in your sea-stained sweetness

it spills, it tingles and it stings

all the pleasure that it brings

‘til the door has let the outside inside here



well on the floor there’s a long wooden table

on the table there’s an open book

on the page there’s a detailed drawing

and on the drawing is the name i took



my ghost likes to travel so far in the unknown

my ghost likes to travel so deep into your space



growing up, growing up,

looking for a place to live

growing up, growing up,

looking for a place to live

growing up, growing up,

looking for a place to live

growing up, growing up,

looking for a place to live



my ghost likes to travel

my ghost likes to travel

moving inside of your space

my ghost likes to travel

my ghost likes to travel

moving inside of your space

my ghost likes to travel

moving inside

my ghost likes to travel

moving Inside of your space

my ghost likes to travel

moving inside

my ghost likes to travel

moving inside of your space



the breathing stops, i don’t know when

in transition once again

such a struggle getting through these changes

and it all seems so absurd

to be flying like a bird

when i do not feel i've really landed here.

lost my time lost my place in

sky blue

those two blue eyes light your face in

sky blue

i know how to fly, i know how to drown in

sky blue



warm wind blowing over the earth

sky blue

i sing through the land, the land sings through me

sky blue

reaching into the deepest shade of

sky blue



sky blue so tired of all this travelling

so many miles away from home

i keep moving to be stable

free to wander, free to roam



train pulled out said my goodbyes

sky blue

back on the road alone with the sky

sky blue

there’s a presence here no one denies

sky blue



sky blue so tired of all this travelling

so many miles away from home

i keep moving to be stable

free to wander, free to roam



i can hear the same voice calling

crying out, from my heart

and that cry, what a cry

what a cry, it’s going to be

if i can stop to let it out, oh.

saw a group of people forming

round a figure lying down

and someone runs to make a phone call

and the man kneels on the ground

the man kneels on the ground

the man kneels on the ground

there's a tightening in my chest.

i know that i’m drawn in

oh god let it not be - you



don't leave us

don't leave like this

don't leave me here again

i’m not quitting on you

there's no one else

you're not quitting on us

no running out



the colour in your shirt is darkening,

against the paleness of your skin

i remember how you held the goldfish

swimming around in a plastic bag

swimming around in a plastic bag

you held it up so high

in the bright lights of the fair

it slipped and fell

we looked everywhere



don't leave us

(your eyes are bright, your blood is warm)

don't leave like this

(your heart is strong, you’re holding on)

don't leave me here again

(i feel your pulse, i hold your hand)

i'm not quitting on you

there’s no one else

you're not quitting on us

there’s no way out

no way out

don't leave us

don't leave like this

don't leave me here again

(i feel your pulse, i hold your hand)

i'm not quitting on you

there’s no one else

you're not quitting on us

no running away - no way out

it was only one hour ago

it was all so different then

nothing yet has really sunk in

looks like it always did

this flesh and bone

its just the way that we are tied in

but there’s no-one home



i grieve for you

you leave me

'so hard to move on

still loving what’s gone

they say life carries on

carries on and on and on



the news that truly shocks is the empty empty page

while the final rattle rocks its empty empty cage

and i can’t handle this



i grieve for you

you leave me



let it out and move on

missing what’s gone

they say life carries on

they say life carries on and on and on



life carries on

in the people i meet

in everyone that's out on the street

in all the dogs and cats

in the flies and rats

in the rot and the rust

in the ashes and the dust

life carries on and on and on and on

life carries on and on and on



its just the car that we ride in

the home we reside in

the face that we hide in

the way we are tied in

life carries on and on and on and on

life carries on and on and on



did i dream this belief?

or did i believe this dream?

now i will find relief

i grieve

let’s go



one man at the window

one girl at the bar

saw that look of recognition

when they know just who you are

i seen you on the tv

i seen you on that show

where you make the people crazy

and then you let them go



before the show we calm them

we sympathise, we care

and the hostile folk we keep apart

‘til the red light says 'on air’

did you see our leather lovers

all tied up to the chair

did you catch those child molesters

no one else goes there



what a show, the barry williams show

what a show,

dysfunctional excess

is all it took for my success

the greater pain that they endure

the more you know the show has scored

its showtime



got the reputation of a surgeon

cos they cannot feel the cut

it looks so very simple

but it really is an art

they call our studio 'the hospital'

making money from the sick

we let people be themselves

there is no other trick



'my lover stole my girlfriend'

'i keep beating up my ex'

'i want to kill my neighbour'

'my daughter's selling sex'



'my s/m lover hurt me'

'my girl became a man'

'i love my daughter's rapist'

'my life's gone down the pan'



what a show, the barry williams show

the barry williams show

dysfunctional excess

is all it took for my success

and when the punches start to fly

the ratings always read so high

its showtime



‘that girl has got no scruples

not a wrinkle on her face

you would not believe the plot she concieved

so they'd let her take my place

well, no man is an island

no man is a sea

but this display of emotion

is all but drowning me



what a show, oh what a show

on my show, the barry williams show

it’s my show

what a show

dysfunctional excess

is all it took for my success



the best tv you’ve ever seen

where people say the things they really mean

I hear my name, i hear them roar

for the one more time i take the floor

just one more barry williams show

we’re gonna take you where you want to go it’s showtime



come on down

come on down

the metal jangles as the key turns

unlock the door, wipe my feet clean

oh my head sounds like that



the oil is spitting in the saucepan

i squeeze the sponge and let the cat out

oh my head sounds like that

oh my head

oh oh oh

oh oh oh



the water’s dripping in the hallway

the guy next door, he knocks his wall down

oh my head sounds like that



the knife it scrapes across the burnt brown toast

the freight train rumbles past my window

oh my head sounds like that

oh my head

oh oh oh

oh oh oh

oh oh oh



around the axis we all spin

to determine what's left out and what's left in

what's left out and what's left in

what's left out and what's left in

who's left out and who's left in

who's left in



the moments come and go like water

i try to hold them but they’re fading

oh my head sounds like that

oh my head

oh oh oh

i woke up and the world outside was dark

all so quiet before the dawn

opened up the door and walked outside

the ground was cold



i walked until i couldn’t walk any more

to a place i’d never been

there was something stirring in the air

in front of me, i could see



more than this

more than this

so much more than this

there is something else there

when all that you had has all gone

and more than this

i stand

feeling so connected

and i’m all there

right next to you



it started when i saw the ship go down

i saw them struggle in the sea

and suddenly the picture disappears

in front of me



now we’re busy making all our busy plans

on foundations built to last

but nothing fades as fast as the future

and nothing clings like the past, until we can see



more than this

more than this

so much more than this

there is something out there

more than this

it’s coming through

and more than this

i stand alone and so connected

and i’m all there

right next to you



oh then it’s alright

when with every day another bit falls away

oh bus its still alright, alright, alright

and like words together we can make some sense



much more than this

way beyond imagination

much more than this

beyond the stars

with my head so full

so full of fractured pictures

and i’m all there

right next to you

so much more than this

there is something else there

when all that you had has all gone

and more than this

i’m alone

feeling so connected

and i’m all there right next to you



more than this

more than this

more than this

more than this

you know the way that things go

when what you fight for starts to fall

and in that fuzzy picture

he writing stands out on the wall

so clearly on the wall



nusrat qwalli section



send out the signals deep and loud



and in this place, can you reassure me

with a touch, a smile - while the cradle’s burning

all the while the world is turning to noise

oh the more that it’s surrounding us

the more that it destroys

turn up the signal

wipe out the noise



nusrat qwalli section



send out the signal deep and loud



man i'm losing sound and sight

of all those who can tell me wrong from right

when all things beautiful and bright

sink in the night

yet there’s still something in my heart

that can find a way

to make a start

to turn up the signal

wipe out the noise



wipe out the noise

wipe out the noise

you know that’s it

you know that’s it

you know that’s it

receive and transmit

receive and transmit

receive and transmit

you know that’s it

you know that’s it

receive and transmit

you know that’s it

you know that’s it

receive and transmit

moving down the fuselage

toward the open door

catch you looking down outside

to see what lies ahead



one by one

you watch them fall

fall through cloud

one by one

you watch them fall

no idea where they’re going

but down



where they’ve gone

where they’ve gone



watching as the sun goes down

i sit inside this plane

notice how the city lights

are like the nerves inside the brain



one by one

they’re going out

you watch them dim

one by one

you watch them fall

and wonder where they’re falling to