FictitiousSports

Can't get my motor to start 

Can't get my motor to start 

Can't get my motor to start 

Can't get my motor to start 

Can't you get it to go? 

Is your battery low? 

No, I don't think so 



Try pullin out on the choke 

Try lookin' under the hood 

Try pullin out on the choke 

Try lookin' under the hood 

Lookin under the hood 

Never did any good 

The choke must be broke



Try beatin' down with your feet 

looks like she's startin' to crank 

Let's take the gasoline out 

Try puttin' beer in the tank 

Bring the beer over here 

'Cause I need it to steer 



Try pullin out all the wires 

Try stuffin' cheese in the cracks 

Try dynamitin' the tank 

Smash all the glass with an ax 

Do you have any grease? 

Pour it over the seats 



What did you do to my car? 

What did you do to my car? 

What did you do to my car? 

What did you do to my car? 

Well we took it apart 

But we can't make it start 



We wanna go for a ride 

Let's push it over the hill 

We wanna go for a ride 

Let's push it over the hill 

Better not get inside 

'Cause she's startin' to slide

Well I used to think this talk of spaceships 

Was just so much hype 

I really believed there was nothing out there 

Except the Stars and the Stripes 

I mean the scientists said they found out that 

There was nothing there on Mars 

So as far as I was concerned it was just 

The name of a candy bar 



I'm one of those kind of people 

Who need proof before they believe 

Close Encounters left me cold 

And Star Trek seemed naive 

When it came to UFO's 

I was of the scientific school 

Little green men with pointed heads 

Were for little kids and fools 



But I was wrong 

I was wrong 

I was real wrong 

I was wrong 

All along 

I was so wrong 



The people who believed that stuff 

Were always kind of odd 

I mean you might as well go all the way 

And believe in Jesus and God 

I knew I had the kind of mind 

That wasn't easily satisfied 

And besides I had enough problems on earth 

To keep me occupied 



And then one night I was standing 

Looking at the stars 

And I heard something that sounded like 

A hundred space guitars 

The music was so weird it could have 

been the theme from Jaws 

Then I saw something flying over my head 

I thought it was Santa Claus 



But I was wrong 

I was wrong 

I was real wrong 

I was wrong 

All along 

I was so wrong

Here's another song about a place near Hong Kong 

They got lots of opium and Lapsang Southong 

Siam, Siam 



All the fancy pussycats come from this area 

Also got a lot of animals that scare ya 

Siam, Siam 



Python legs are poached in slimy toad saliva 

After eating that I'm lucky I'm aliva 

I am, yes I am 



Ask the King if you can stay to sample cuisine 

Maybe he will even let you dine with the Queen 

Siam, Siam 



Nicest little place i live in since Budapest 

If you think that I'm in love, you're right, I 

confess

I am, I am, yes I am, with Siam 

I am, I am, yes I am, with Siam

Do you long to cavort? 

Here's a new water sport 

That you ought to try 

It's a Fahrenheit dream 

Hot and covered with steam 

You won't be bored 

Do you want to get wet? 

Are you starting to sweat? 

Slip over the side 

Now we're caught in a swell 

Here's where Heaven and Hell 

Start to collide 



It's slippery and slimy 

Reach over here and tie me 

I'm so warm I can hardly move 

Mother never told me 

I'd need someone to hold me 

But where I'm from the rivers are all cold 



It's a fisherman's dream 

Dinner's already steamed 

And ready to eat 

When you feel your resolve 

Is about to dissolve 

Then stop for a treat 

In a river of steam 

Nothing seems too obscene 

So let down your hair 

While you drift through a trough 

Slip your bathing suit off 

And really get clean 



You can do your laundry 

While your thoughts are wandering 

And you watch the passing swimmer's poach 

You don't need no Sterno 

In Dante's Inferno 

It's thermohydriatically controlled 



You can't stay in too long 

'Cause the heat is too strong 

You're starting to slide 

Grab ahold of the rope 

Throw your soap in the boat 

Climb over the side 

We can come back for more 

When we start to get bored 

There's nothing as wild 

As a Hot River swim 

On the volcanic rim

Just when we was startin' to play 

Someone yelled out take 'em away 

Then we heard 'em startin' to boo 

What did you do? What did you do? 

I reacted intelligently 

Here's my method, try it and see 

When somebody's runnin' you down 

You got to turn it around, turn it around 



So when they boo at me you know what I do? 

I tell 'em boo to you too, boo to you too 

Boo to you too, boo to you too 



I don't take it personally 

When somebody's booin' at me 

Makes no difference if the music is fine 

I never pay it no mind, pay it no mind 

When you're tryin' something that's new 

You'll have people booin' at you 

When we hear 'em startin' to boo 

What do we do? What do we do? 



Well when they boo at us you know what we do? 

We tell 'em boo to you too, boo to you too 

Boo to you too, boo to you too 



Keep your chin up, play what you feel 

Music's always grand if it's real 

Even if they're cruel to you 

You got to do what you do, do what you do 

When they're ready to tear you apart 

Use your noodle and try to be smart 

Don't just stand there takin' abuse 

You got to put it to use, put it to use 



You make 'em boo on cue, they say boo 

And you say boo to you too 

Boo to you too, boo to you too 



You make 'em boo on cue, they say boo 

And you say boo to you too 

Boo to you too, boo to you too 



Boo to you too, boo to you too 

Boo to you too, boo to you too

I try 

God knows I try 

It seems very clear to me, that I try 

But it's not clear to you, that I do 

You don't know what I mean, do ya? 

You don't know what I mean 



I mean 

I mean I try 

God knows that I mean to try 

I mean it seems so very clear to me, that I'm 

trying 

But it's not clear to you, what I'm trying to do 

You don't know what I mean, do ya? 

You don't know what I mean 



You're not trying 

God knows you probably mean to try 

I mean sometimes it even seems clear to me 

I mean sometimes it even seems clear to me that 

you're trying to try 

Is that clear? Do you know what I mean, what 

I'm trying to say 

You don't know what I mean, do ya? 

You don't know what I mean 



God knows I try

Wervin', we're Wervin' 

Do you need a doctor? 

Swervin' and curvin' 

Are you pocket trained? 

Do you like to Werve? 

Do you have the nerve? 

Do you need a doctor 

when you start to swerve? 

Are you pocket trained 

Goin' 'round a curve? 

Can you Werve? 



Wervin', we're Wervin' 

Do you save the coupons? 

Swervin' and curvin' 

Can I borrow your suit? 

Can you Werve like a bird 

Or do you find it absurd? 

Did you come prepurd? 

Can I borrow your suit? 



Do you find it unnervin' 

Or pleasantly disturbin' 

Can you Werve? 



Wervin', we're Wervin' 

Do you have your 'chute? 

Swervin' and curvin' 

Does your mother know? 

Do you worry when you Werve? 

Are you scared when you swerve? 

Do you get what you deserve 

When you go around a curve? 

I can see your house 

Have you lost your nerve? 

Can you Werve? 

Werve 

Werve 

Werve

Here's a shocking revelation for you voyeurs 

Such a heinous deviation, these are no clues 

I'm a Mineralist, I'm a Mineralist 



Just the thought of ironing gives me spasms of lust 

I creep up to old wrecked cars and lick off the rust 

I'm a Mineralist, I'm a Mineralist 



Mother used to try to metal in my affairs 

Keep your nose up off that grindstone, people 

will stare 

Get the lead out of your pants and change your

underwear 



I've been stealing baby bottles since I was born 

I'll go blind from balling bearings, doctors have 

warned 

I like making out with steel-rimmed glasses 

more than horned 



Erik Satie gets my rocks off, Cage is a dream 

Phillip Glass is a Mineralist to the extreme 



I like tickling ivories and fingering stones 

When my mercury goes up I play with my bone 



Peole take for granite my perversion is wrong 

I'm not harming anyone by beating my gong 

I'm a Mineralist, I'm a Mineralist 



I'll make love to minerals as long as I can 

And in fifty years I'll be a jaded old man 

I'm a Mineralist, I'm a Mineralist 

I'm a Mineralist, I'm a Mineralist